Sarah came to me for help with a recurring problem in relationships. When she was single, she desperately sought connection, often choosing the first one to give her attention. When dating someone, her constant calling and texting, seeking reassurance, would cause him to dislike and avoid her. Her insecurity and jealousy repeatedly led to angry break-ups and her feeling unloved. She tried to control herself, but she couldn’t. She asked, “Why do I act this way? ”
To explain the source of her desperation, I offered…
“Since you were born, you have been seeking the depth of connection you lost when you left the Spirit Realm. Between lives, there is no separation. You exist in oneness and love. Now, you have chosen a life on Earth, to learn and grow, to experience the joys and challenges of living in a body, but you have forgotten the oneness and love that is still possible. Your forgetting is reasonable. You have shifted attention from Spirit to the people around you – mother, father, siblings, and boyfriends – but they are not able to give you what you seek, for they are only human. When you FEEL love from Spirit, you will not be so desperate to pull love out of other people.”
She understood, but still, she wanted a way to change. I led her in a simple Revisioning TechniqueTM to reprogram her everyday emotionally reality. Even in an imaginary scenario, the mind tells the heart that something good is happening, which becomes the new belief.
“Imagine yourself as a baby bird in a nest, in the midst of a storm. Alone, helpless, afraid. You have lived with this feeling from the moment you were born and separated from Spirit. Now… imagine a beautiful mother bird, arriving in the nest. So happy to return to her baby bird, she wraps her soft, protective wings around you. You do not have to do anything, or be any certain way. She needs nothing from you. Your job is just to receive her love. Sit in the wings of this mother bird, until you become comfortable with BEING loved.”
To put love into daily life, I suggested to Sarah, “The next time you are about to call or text, or simply feel alone and afraid, call in mother bird. Before reaching out to another person, to feel stronger and less desperate, call in mother bird.”
With some practice, Sarah could now calm herself down and resist desperate behavior. She stopped chasing or annoying the men she dated, but she still attracted men who were not good for her.
Sarah and I talked about the difficulty she had always experienced with her father. As a child, she struggled to get his approval, but he was too busy to pay attention. When he wasn’t away working, he told her to be quiet. Now, as an adult, she was still afraid to make him upset. She wondered why he didn’t seem to like her.
After some discussion about not taking things personally – your father has his own struggles – I offered the soul perspective of their dynamic.
“Your soul has chosen a specific birth family for ‘childhood training.’ With some, you have agreements of love and support. With others, you have agreements of criticism, competition, or even neglect. What feels like mistreatment may be exactly what you need for soul growth and life purpose. As a child, you cannot run away from your family, so instead, you develop certain strengths and qualities. What did you gain from your father? Perhaps self-sufficiency, how to be a care-taker, or the wisdom of who to avoid. Hold onto the value, and leave behind the false beliefs – that you are unlovable, that men are emotionally distant.”
With this understanding, I then guided Sarah in a soul-to-soul conversation, a tremendously effective way to transform an out-dated soul agreement into present time.
Close your eyes and picture your father sitting across from you. Setting aside the human suffering, speak higher self to higher self. You see how he also missed out on love, in order to give you what your soul needed. Say to him, “Thank you for the learning. I forgive you for any pain. I love you and release you from my childhood agreement.” Now, his higher self says to you, “Thank you. Please forgive me. I love you.”
After this exercise, her father became easier to talk to in daily life, and she could feel his caring. When his higher self was told that his soul responsibility was complete, his human self was free to be more loving.
Sarah also visualized a similar ‘soul to soul’ conversation with the men of her failed relationships. She let go of bitterness and felt more lovable. A bit later, she called to say that she had met a man who was kind and who made her feel comfortable and secure. Even when she brought up difficult topics and expressed her needs, his responses were mature and supportive. She had finally found authentic love.
A few years have gone by, and Sarah is happily married to her soul mate. As with all of us, she will continue to encounter challenges, but now she knows how to focus on love instead of suffering.
© Daeryl Holzer, 2018
Natural Life News, November 2018